"You said that these past three years have been great-- but Casey, I really don't want to be just a memory to you. I don't want you to be a story that I tell to people years down the road; I want you to be in my life. I love you, and regardless of what happens, that won't change for a while, even if I try to make it. I want to fix whatever this is that just happened. Please. Can we try?
That's part of what I wrote to Casey the second time we broke up (second, not first, so that's a story for another series). The second time we broke up was not the last- but the next time (about a year later) would be.
I held onto that thought, after I'd broken up with him that last time. How I hated the idea of making someone I loved into a memory. But I write- it's what I love to do. I think I knew, and absolutely hated this because I wanted to hold on, that I'd do what I do best- I'd hurt and eventually move on and this person who mattered I'd twist and digest and break down into stories.
It's destructive. It's painful. But it's also the essence of creating, and there's a fierce and lonely kind of beauty in that.
When Rachel and I started this blog, I wasn't sure what I'd write. And I still don't have an exact outline, but I do know that part of it will be a series called Firsts.
Casey was my first boyfriend, and I was his first girlfriend (I know, I know, we were late to the game). So there were a lot of firsts in those four years. I won't write about all of them, and they won't necessarily be in chronological order. The ones that have stuck with me, that are exceptionally hard, or exceptionally good- I'll put them here.
Stay tuned for the first of the firsts with the first!
I held onto that thought, after I'd broken up with him that last time. How I hated the idea of making someone I loved into a memory. But I write- it's what I love to do. I think I knew, and absolutely hated this because I wanted to hold on, that I'd do what I do best- I'd hurt and eventually move on and this person who mattered I'd twist and digest and break down into stories.
It's destructive. It's painful. But it's also the essence of creating, and there's a fierce and lonely kind of beauty in that.
When Rachel and I started this blog, I wasn't sure what I'd write. And I still don't have an exact outline, but I do know that part of it will be a series called Firsts.
Casey was my first boyfriend, and I was his first girlfriend (I know, I know, we were late to the game). So there were a lot of firsts in those four years. I won't write about all of them, and they won't necessarily be in chronological order. The ones that have stuck with me, that are exceptionally hard, or exceptionally good- I'll put them here.
Stay tuned for the first of the firsts with the first!